


A Dreamboat Ever After

by orphan_account



Category: Some Like It Hot (1959)
Genre: Confusion, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Time, Gender Issues, Happy Ending, M/M, Marriage, Other, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-20
Updated: 2016-08-27
Packaged: 2018-05-28 00:44:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6307066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Our odd bunch are headed for Osgood's yacht and our dear future Mrs. Fielding is having a bit of a shock.</p>
<p>"Jerry- Daph- Jerry's face twisted as he looked and received an eyeful of Joe macking on Sugar's healthy, very feminine neck. The sweet sighs and giddy trills she emitted punching through his guts."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. all aboard

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rampantidiocy18](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rampantidiocy18/gifts).



> So I saw this movie for the first time yesterday and I freaking love it. I also just watched Ever After not too long ago and I was hit with the fic bunny bug. (rampant idk if you've seen this, but its yours anyway. you're awesome)
> 
> Plus, if y'alls haven't read A Perfect Honeymoon by Delilah_Joy... somethings wrong with ya.

"Nobody's perfect."

If there ever was a truer statement...

Jerry was fresh out of words which, considering his nature as a chatter connoisseur, felt as though he had slipped out of his skin and donned the ways of a stranger. Yet again. And this time it wasn't as exciting. It had an all too bare air of reality splashed over it and if he clutched, barely at all, at his flat stomach through the fine material of Daphne's dress he could feel this deep, hollow distortion filling up even as it widened.

The steady wind and ocean spray that blew and lapped on all sides of Osgood's boat that should have left a cool impression across Jerry's hunched frame went unnoticed by the recent escapee. His focus was lost in an internal maze amongst distant feelings he would have to desire to reach for in order to feel, and at this time he had no wanting to try on more than the current shock ruling his nerves. He was on an expensive bucket speeding away from one too many bullets owned by one too many gangsters toward an even more costly tub which happened to be the private yacht of his deluded fiancé.

His beaming, very male fiancé. The musician-dressed-woman stared numb in disbelief, and something akin to sadness at the millionaire, Daphne's tangled wig knotted and heavy in his hands.

At first Jerry figured to expose himself after he'd signed the marriage license so as to collect on all that practically free security. When he finally spilled, it was supposed to be a weight off his broad shoulders, a relief. But even then his own reasoning hadn't made much sense to him. He'd shoved off Joe's concerns, as the hypocrite never failed to take advantage of his position and later confusion if it aided the sax player's gain, and it was only now he realized that whether his friend meant those words in care for him or not... Jerry/Daphne had royally blundered things.

He'd ignored the long neglected consciousness of his that he'd replaced with the jovial tones of his best friend’s persuasions over their years of playing and starving together when it hinted that money wasn't primarily the cause of his sudden enthusiasm for a prompt an utterly impossible engagement. It nagged and worried at him until his affirmations of, "I'm a boy, I'm a boy." no longer felt like solid truth. Until he caught himself once or twice dwelling on what could be if he'd been born with different bits betwixt his nethers.

Then they were being chased, shot at, and Osgood was their only way out. That the mislead man hadn't cared or questioned the trio's odd state, and only appeared delightedly happy that his bride hadn't left him high and dry on the dock, but was there with him and seemingly just as eager to leave and start their future together had solidified Daphne's resolve to do right by this man.

Jerry'd thought the swollen aching of his throat and thundering pace of his heart as he blurted his secret would be the worst of it. He thought as Daphne lost Osgood, Jerry would lose Daphne and that it would hurt, but that with Joe's influence he'd get over this new side to himself. The side that others besides Joe actually looked forward to seeing, to talking to, to being his band members and staying after gigs to enjoy his company for once instead of packing hurriedly and grunting course goodbyes until the next show. By faking and playing at being likable Daphne, Jerry had inadvertently stumbled across aspects of himself people actually thought worthwhile. It would be a hard thing losing it now, and so he'd braced himself for the inevitable.

And Osgood delivered, "I called Mama. She was so happy, she cried. She wants you to have her wedding gown. It's white lace."

Daphne tried to let Osgood down gently, "Osgood, I can't get married in your mother's dress. She and I, we are not built the same way."

He only smiled, "We can have it altered."

She kept going, "Osgood, I'm gonna level with you. We can't get married at all."

His countenance remain unchanged, "Why not?"

What sounded reasonable? "Well... ln the first place, I'm not a natural blonde."

Osgood chuckled, "Doesn't matter."

She tried again, “I smoke! I smoke all the time!"

The smile widened, "I don't care."

WHAT!? "I have a terrible past. For three years I've been living with a saxophone player!"

It wasn't hitting home, "I forgive you."

Surely this would work, "I can never have children."

"We can adopt some." The dear man had an answer for everything.

"You don't understand, Osgood." Unable to hold on any longer Daphne slipped, and Jerry tore the wig off, "I'm a man."

Merely glancing at the sudden man beside him, Osgood, with a softness in his eyes and a warm smile said, "Well, nobody's perfect."

Then came the silence, the hollowness, and a dreadful pang of a sense of self loss that nowhere near matched up to the weak, disappointed hurt he was expecting. It was as if his confession of confessions had fallen on the endearingly deaf ears of a besotted, undeserving blind man.

What he'd done, what he was is far worse than being a total liar. Jerry suddenly felt sick and turned away from Osgood and his misdirected smiles.

Was this how all of those girls Joe played for fools felt? Or was this different because this time he was the player? Did Joe get like this?

Joe. 

Joe was in the back.

Jerry- Daph- Jerry's face twisted as he looked and received an eyeful of Joe macking on Sugar's healthy, very feminine neck. The sweet sighs and giddy trills she emitted punching through his guts.

As they glided to a stop alongside the waiting yacht, Jerry shrank down in his soft leather seat. He shouldn't get on, be saved. He didn't deserve it. He hardly felt the boat rock as first Sugar and then Joe boarded the ship.

Jerry jumped a little when he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Here, Love," Osgood said softly, soothingly, "Take my hand, I've got you."

Jerry stared at his truly good fiancé without a hope, and shuddered as he accepted the older, weathered, clean hand offered.

Finally, he felt cold.


	2. tucking in for escape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait of death. I have personal reasons as well as my computer dying on me and taking all the pre-written chapters with it. I rewrote this chapter and I fear it's not as good, but it's for you guys anyway.

The climb aboard, being given a room, and settling in for a long escape all went by in a relatively quick daze except for a few minor incidences. 

As his heeled foot touched down on the ship for the first time Jerry stumbled and if not for practically bowling right into an attentive Osgood's ready arms he would taken a dive face first. Now, tripping and falling is a perfectly normal occurance, and being fortunate enough to spared a nasty bump on the head was a nice little bonus as well. A bpnus that Jerry wouldn't have minded at all.... if not for the offered safety in the surprising strength of those arms, the reassuring smile splitting that kind face, and the sudden leap of ache in Jerry's chest. 

"Excuse me," Jerry managed to whisper around the sudden tightness in his throat.

The millionare righted the taller man so he could regain his feet and even helped to straighten his dress, smoothing the wrinkles and patting the fabric flat.

"It's nothing," Osgood shook his head, humming softly and watching Jerry as if in deep thought, "I believe the problem are those stunning shoes of yours. They've made you tired and your feet sore, taking them off would help. Allow me..."

Osgood knelt in all his finery and gently took Jerry's right ankle in one hand, "Lift your foot for me, love?"

Jerry did so, his heart doing a little skip as Osgood's warm hands brushed along his skin. 

This wasn't the first time Osgood had assisted him this way. The first time he couldn't have been quicker to rip his foot away from a strange dirty old man's unwelcome touch. The first time made his skin crawl and he'd felt nothing but annoyance. This time... this time Osgood really was just trying to help.

One after the other Osgood removed his high heels, sliding Jerry's sore feet out as carefully as possible and reverently placing the shoes side by side on the deck. 

Osgood smiled at the bare feet then up at his fiancé, "Feel better?"

"Yes, th-thanks." Jerry swallowed, staring hard at the floor boards.

Osgood had eyes one could get lost in.

Someone- Joe -cleared his throat rather firmly and Jerry snapped back, all but throwing himself away from the older man. If he was offended the millionare didn't show a tick of it. 

Instead he stood, sweeping his hands in a grand gesture, welcoming them aboard his yacht, "So nice to have you both with me and my fiancé for this exciting trip! "

At the mention of the word 'fiancé' Joe raised a questioning brow at Jerry who shook his head in warning and silently pleaded with his eyes for Joe to drop it. At this, his best friend frowned darkly and gave him a glare that clearly stated 'we will be discussing this later', but otherwise kept his silence, for which Jerry was most grateful.

Osgood continued happily, "Alrighty then! I'll just have Lacy show you to your accomadations and you can freshen up or rest before dinner which can be served on the deck or brought to your rooms. Just let Lacy know where you'd like to dine and it can be arranged. Any further questions you may have my staff can answer in my absence."

"Why thank you Mr. Fielding!" Sugar gushed, "Say, do you have a room big enough for two to share?"

If she hadn't been batting her eyes in Joe's direction Jerry still would have understood her intentions by the suggestive purr in her airy voice. Honestly, a few days ago Jerry would have been irked by Sugar's obvious preference for Joe's company over his, but now it just didn't seem like such a big deal. In fact he couldn't care less as he felt numb and distanced by his own current situation.

Osgood was speaking again, but Jerry hardly paid any attention when what Sugar said hit him like a jarring to the cranium.

Sharing rooms.

...Would Osgood want to? Did he expect it of Jerry since he hadn't called off their engagement even after he'd learned the truth?

Did...

..Did Jerry want to?

A sudden warm hand on his shoulder startled him out of his thoughts and Jerry's eyes widened to find himself alone with Osgood. At his worried expression Osgood quickly reassured him that his hired hand, Lacy, was taking good care to see them settled in.

"If I may," Osgood then said, hooking his arm through Jerry's, "let me show you to your room."

Jerry only nodded, holding his breath and ignoring the way his fiancé's arm felt light and easy in his as Osgood led him away. He stayed silent during the short walk, noting where every single emergency life vest and floatation device was kept in case he needed to take an emergency swim. He hoped it didn't come to that and at the same time he felt ashamed for having thought that it might. 

"Here we are!" Osgood said, opening the door to a room located closely to the bow of the yacht.

Jerry didn't know what he was expecting, but it wasn't the homey picture of leisure before him, and it certainly wasn't the single twin sized bed that looked soft enough that if he were to lay on it he'd sink straight away into its depths. There was no way two people could fit on that thing and Jerry felt his eyes water in gratitude, relief, and something he refused to acknowledge as disappointment.

"I hope this is comfortable enough for you." Osgood said, "It's been recently refurbished and my room is only a few doors down. If you should need anything, please, don't hesitate to call. I'll come right away."

Jerry didn't think he'd need to, but offer was appreciated nonetheless.

"Now, I know this was a split decision and you didn't have time to pack your things so I can have clean pairs of clothes brought to you. You feel free to explore around or rest if you'd like, just remember that dinner is at five." After having said this, Osgood let his arm slide free of Jerry's and turned to leave.

"Wait!"

Osgood stopped with his hand on the door handle and looked back at Jerry, asking softly, "What is it love?"

There was that acheing pressure in his chest again and Jerry felt lost to the intensity of it. He opened his mouth, but words didn't spring forth. He tired to meet Osgood's honest eyes and found he couldn't hold his gaze. Instead he looked everywhere else. 

The room really was very nice. 

Too nice. 

And Osgood was just so thoughtful. 

Too thoughtful.

Jerry had been so worried about himself that he hadn't spared a thought for the other people around him again, and this made him feel anger toward his wrongful suspicions. Of course Osgood wouldn't make him share his room. Of course he'd done all he could to be kind and make sure Jerry was comfortable. The man put absolutely no pressure on Jerry so far and all Jerry had done in return was steal his heart through a crazy, irresponsible, selfish lie. He'd assumed too much ill of Osgood's character.

So naturally Osgood treated him better than he could remember last being treated.

Jerry's calloused musician hands clenched at his sides as a disgusted voice inside told him that he didn't deserve such kindness. 

Not after what he'd done.

"I- I'm sorry," Jerry hated the tremble in his voice, "I'm so sorry I-"

"Nonsense." Osgood interrupted. 

It was the first time Jerry had heard the millionare take that serious tone in all the short time he'd known him.

"But-!" Jerry tried again, only to have Osgood raise his hand and silence him.

With a great sigh, the older man suddenly looked tired, "Listen, love, I know we are going to have to talk about it, but I can tell that you are not ready to."

Osgood took Jerry's shaking hands in his and smoothed his thumbs over the whitened knuckles, "Look how you tremble just by my presence alone."

Jerry's eyes widened and he hastily released the death grip he had on his fingers, "I'm sorry."

Osgood was smiling at him again, and the sadness Jerry found there made him want to say something, anything to get rid of it.

But Osgood spoke again before he could, "There's nothing to be sorry for. Now, what would you like to wear? I know you have a thing for lace, but I'm guessing a pair of trousers would not go unappreciated either. Whatever would make you most comfortable, it's yours love."

Jerry's eyes swam because Osgood cared. Because Osgood understood enough to give him the options. Jerry couldn't help his watery smile and he knew if Joe were there he'd highly disapprove of his emotional behavior, but that he'd be even more disapproving of his answer.

"Both, please." He whispered, "I would like both."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These too make me so mushy inside. Ugh.

**Author's Note:**

> TBC.... most definitely


End file.
